Contents
Nature and Nurture
Beautiful Fruit?
This story is one that we have been following for quite some time now - the saga of the curly cucumber, the rudely shaped potato and the EU. In November 2008 it seemed that common sense was starting to win the day when a ban on selling ‘misshapen produce’ was overturned for 26 varieties of fruit and vegetables. But wouldn’t you just know it, a group of Euro MPs recently tried to bring back ‘uniform standardization parameters’ to halt the rise of the straight banana and the ugly carrot (who are these people?!). Happily this move has been now been defeated in the European Parliament. As Liberal Democrat Euro-MP George Lyon apparently said: “The shape of a fruit is irrelevant to its taste and nutrition.” So now it would seem we can relax, safe in the knowledge that the bent Brussels sprout has been given a reprieve. According to Alyn Smith from the Scottish National Party “Finally we can put the nonsensical wonky fruit ban to bed”. Well, yes, one would like to think so, but we wouldn’t bank on it!
In the Goldfish Bowl
Goldfish are not generally known for their exciting lifestyles, but you’d be surprised at some of the stories about them doing the rounds right now. From the Daily Mail online we learn that in the UK, a ‘miracle’ goldfish has recently managed to survive out of water for an incredible seven hours. Carol Norris spotted her goldfish (called Mr Fish!) floating on the top of his tank, she automatically assumed that his time had come. So she wrapped him in a damp tissue and put him in an empty bath tub for a few hours (and no, it wasn’t entirely clear why she did this). To her surprise the fish came back to life and is now swimming away as happy as Larry (if fish can be as happy as Larry). Next month - the full story of the fish that survived after being shot out of a car onto the fast lane of the M1 during a crash….
New Invention: The Pocket Bureaucracy Buffer!
Like it or not, at some point when living on this beautiful island one is going to have to deal with Greek bureaucracy. For the uninitiated this experience can be extremely unnerving. You know how it is - you go to the Police Station / Tax Office / Citizens’ Advice Bureau etc. on an initial reconnaissance mission to try and establish what you need in order to get your residence permit / tax code / Greek driving licence. After been told that you will need to transfer x amount of euros to a Greek bank account, supply a translated copy of your mother in law’s birth certificate and provide evidence of having been vaccinated against smallpox, you try to maintain a fixed smile, then go away and make the necessary arrangements. Having collated the requested documentation you go back to the relevant office. Having waited in the queue for some time, the same official who you saw on your reconnaissance mission tells you that you didn’t need to bring evidence of your smallpox vaccination with you at all, instead what you should have brought with you was a stub from an airline boarding card and a photograph of your father. You go away again….And so it continues.
Even some of the ‘oldest hands’ here have difficulty trying to cope with paperwork without having to go and lie down in a padded room for several days.
Some say that negotiating with the IKA office is mentally as challenging as a commando course, requiring nerves of steel. In the ideal case scenario one should not attempt ‘Greek bureaucracy’ without having carried out several simulated sessions with friends and / or relatives - using role play, meditation and deep breathing techniques. However, as we all know, we can’t always pick and choose when to deal with civil servants, especially if we need to get hold of a document in a hurry. Never mind, help is at hand. Bring on Olaf Proil, inventor of the pocket bureaucracy buffer! His amazing device brings relief to the user and helps to neutralize harmful officialdom rays. The p0cket version is shaped like a torch and comes with flashlight, vibrating beep alarm, chemical sensor and the newly patented ‘perfume protect’ spray attachment. The chemical sensor detects hormonal changes that are emitted shortly before a civil servant is about to issue an unreasonable demand for a non-existent document, the vibrating beep alarm discreetly alerts the user and the perfume protect spray sends out wafts of calming scent which helps to restore both parties to a state of grace. This ‘must have item’ will be on sale in local hardware stores from the beginning of the month.
