Reindeer News

No escape this month, reindeers are everywhere. Here we bring you a couple of recent reindeer news items that are currently doing the rounds in the international press. In Sweden, Dave Downey from Australia has just become Santa of the Year after winning the International Santa Games in Gällivare. The events that go to make up the Santa Claus pentathlon are: chimney climbing, reindeer racing, kick sled, porridge eating and ‘Santa’s Christmas Eve’. Dave was delighted and felt vindicated after last year’s poor performance when he apparently fell off the reindeer and got porridge stuck in his beard. This year, judges were particularly impressed by Dave’s chimney climbing, where he got points for style. So how did he train for the competition? Well, reindeers being in short supply where he comes from he had to make do with kangaroos. “It worked, but the ride was a bit rockier” he is reported as saying. Across the pond in the US, Elmo Shropshire, who is at least partially to blame for the Christmas Country Classic ‘Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer’ is being sued for damages. Not for performing the song in the first place, you understand (though some say he should be). The law suit relates to a dispute over the merchandising of novelty products (such as musical toy trucks) featuring cartoon characters associated with the song. The case is expected to come to court just in time for Christmas…. In the UK, there are currently various restrictions in place affecting the movement of ruminant animals, including reindeer, due to a recent outbreak of bluetongue disease. Certain local councils have had to have a re-think regarding their Christmas Parades. Ringwood town council have come up with a ’Camel Parade with Late Night Shopping’. Don’t know why, but somehow, even given The Wise Men, camels don’t seem as Christmassy in Hampshire as they do in the Middle East.

Competition Update

The ‘unfortunately this is amusing in English’ competition is gathering pace. Thanks to Kath Walls for supplying us with ‘piggy chops’ for this month’s issue, and to our judge Ruth Swan for upping the ante with ‘EuroScum’. The Bugle team—not eligible for a prize, obviously— found ‘prik and tik’ when on their recent trip to Belgium (and no, it’s not funny in Flemish).

Cornelius Pointy and Stella McBarking: Have a Cosmic Christmas!

Our in-house astrologers are being a little coy right now, but we suspect that we may be hearing the patter of little extra-terrestrial feet in 2008. We’ll update you once we receive the appropriate signals from outer space. In the meantime, here are the December predictions from our globally unrestrained couple.

Satsuma and Sock: 2nd October—14th December A fruitful time for you — appealing in every way, you will probably find yourself greatly in demand this month. No-one is going to accuse you of being a vegetable, that’s for sure! Don’t worry about ingrates who try to make you feel downtrodden, without you they’d be hanging on empty.

Paintbrush and Pringle: 15th December—9th February Your vibrant, yet tolerant nature makes you a welcome guest at gatherings spanning the whole range of the social spectrum. ‘Different strokes for different folks’ is your motto, enabling you to blend in well with those around you. So this is a great month for you. And remember, what is a jingle without a pringle?

Tent Peg and Teaspoon: 10th February—26th March For those of you born under this sign, don’t worry about being left out in the cold this month. Your bipolar aspects give you unique talents: for example, when it comes to stuffing a turkey you are hard to beat. Ladles of goodwill are in store for you.

Castanet and Cement Mixer: 27th March—16th April When sleigh bells go ding-a-ling you castanets come into your element - though if left unleashed there is a danger you might get carried away in a musical frenzy. Happily, this is offset by the pragmatism of your cement mixer aura, which should ensure that the Christmas puddings are done to a turn.

Daffodil and Dandelion: 17th April—23rd May Those born under this sign are always ready with a whole host of ideas to brighten up the season. The house is full of festive cheer when daffodil and dandelion decorate the Christmas tree. Just make sure you’ve got plenty of spare (light) bulbs in store.

Ping-Pong and Paperclip: 24th May—19th June Imagination comes to the fore this month. When that enforced jollity starts to pall on Boxing Day, you’re the one who can get the ball rolling again with your inventive party games.

Batman and Beachchair: 20th June—1st October It may be a busy time for you with all those Christmas robins flocking back to roost. No need to flap. Look to your beachchair side, then you’ll know when it’s best just to take a back seat and chill out.