Crystal Chandeliers and Letters to America

A quarter of a century ago (oh yes, she is that old), Rethymnon in the winter was a bit limited in terms of shopping options and the postal service was flaky at best. For some of those in the foreign community who were trying to get presents off to various locations worldwide, Christmas on Crete represented a bit of a trial. Many changes have happened in the meantime (not all of them brilliant, but as Miss Marple would say: ’progress, n’est ce pas?’) so it is with some pride that we are able to proclaim that Rethymnon is now a great place to do Christmas shopping. Not only that, but the post office here actually works now and bubble wrap etc. is dirt cheap. So should you find a marble statuette that you would like to send back home to Seattle you shouldn’t have too many problems - assuming that the statuette in question is a repo that has just stands ‘stately in the hall’ rather than being a genuine Minoan Relic - sensible head on now, if something looks old and pretty and is lying on what looks like a building site here - REALLY, DON’T TOUCH IT. Same applies to ‘paintings hanging on the wall’ of indeterminate provenance.

So let’s cut to the chase. You have bought your crystal chandelier and have sent it via courier with accompanying letter to the US / Easter Island (delete as appropriate). Being in a creative frame of mind you have also hand-crafted your own Christmas cards and have managed to cover yourself and next door’s cat with glitter, glue and little pasta stars.

What now? Well, retail therapy of course!!!! If you don’t know where to start we suggest you try our enterprising locals and classified section for some great ideas (OK, that’s it for the commercial plugs!) Remember when Christmas shopping that presents you buy for yourself are also potentially presents for others, too. Buying something that makes you feel less stressed out ahead of turkey blast-off time is likely to make you feel more like Santa’s little helper (’tis the season to be jolly) and less like Scrooge (bah humbug)

Recipe: ‘Boxing Day’ Brunch

There are some cultural notes that go with this recipe, which go as follows: ‘Boxing Day’ in England is the 26th December, which also happens to be the name day of St Stephen. The singing cookery editor has just remembered a couple of very old and very English ‘κάλαντα’ which may or may not be helpful at this point: The first song starts with the words ‘Good King Wenceslas looked out, on the Feast of Stephen….’ (Wenceslas Square, Prague, Czech Republic?). The second song is the ceremonial ditty traditionally sung at the beginning of the Boar’s Head Feast (boar being wild and roaming pork) carried out at The Queen’s College Oxford which starts with these words: “The boar’s head in hand bear I, bedeck’d with bays and rosemary” (published in 1521 by Wynken de Worde) referring to the ancient Viking/Greek/Roman custom of sacrificing a pig to the Gods (see our Spotlight ‘Cretan Christmas Customs’ Page). If you want to find out more, try googling the terms ‘Aristotle’, ‘Shotover Forest’ and ‘Oxford’ and see what you come up with. Put it this way, eating turkeys at Christmas is a relatively recent thing - turkeys were imported from Mexico to Europe in the 19th Century. Back to Boxing Day. It’s not about prize fighters — it is a day to give to less fortunate members of society: End of year bonus, money in a box, employers take note….

The recipe needs advance preparation. On Christmas Eve, hide additional supplies of smoked salmon, eggs and dustbin liners in a secret location and put an ‘alarmed’ reminder in your mobile phone set for Boxing Day to tell you where you have hidden them (the rest of the ingredients, sausages, bacon, tomatoes, mushrooms etc. can be panic bought at a price on the day itself from a mini-market somewhere in Rethymnon). On Boxing Day, establish how many people you still have in your house recovering from the ‘Christmas Day festivities’, and, even better, what their names are. Bear in mind that even if you do not have a spare bedroom human beings are surprisingly resourceful when it comes to finding ‘places to crash’. Make sure you check the roof terrace and also look under the futon in the front room. It is not necessary to remove party hats from personages at this stage. Hand out dustbin liners and suggest that ‘a bit of clearing up’ might be a good idea. Politely (but assertively) refuse all offers of ‘help in the kitchen’. Scramble eggs and add smoked salmon accordingly. Do those things you do with the other brunch ingredients. Make ‘Buck’s Fizz’ with the juice of oranges from your own tree topped up with (faintly flat) champagne from the half finished bottle you have just found nestling among the geraniums in the garden. It sort of works.

Cocktail of the Month: ‘Nice and Easy Does It’

On the grounds that Christmas, though enjoyable for many, is also stressful for others, and in some cases people get knickers in a twist about all sorts of things that ordinarily they might not, we give you our non regimented cocktail recipe. The instructions go as follows: Take your favourite glass (if no glass a mug or bucket will do). Add choice of spirit (we recommend vodka, partly because it’s easy, but each to their own). Top up with fruity mixer and ice if you have it. Put your feet up, lie on the sofa and watch the Bond movie that will be showing on at least one of the TV channels.

Music to drink this by: well, Stranglers (obviously), Lionel Ritchie (think about it).