The Swan and Parrot
We think this is a good name for a pub, but in this case we are referring to a couple of animal oriented news stories that we have spotted in cyber space. First off, a heart-warming tale to help banish those January blues. We’re sure that our readers will be delighted to learn that Crinkly the Bewick swan may have found love at last. Crinkly—so called because of his corkscrew shaped neck, probably caused by a birth defect—is a regular winter visitor from Russia to the Slimbridge Wildfowl and Wetlands Trust in Gloucestershire, UK (eagle-eyed regular readers may remember that Slimbridge also provided us with the story about Carlos and Fernando, the gay flamingo foster parents in June). Up until recently, Crinkly’s physical quirkiness has proved off - putting to the opposite sex. Now, though, it would appear that a budding romance is developing. According to staff at the trust, Crinkly has been seen ‘loosely associating with another Bewick swan called Taciturn on Swan Lake.’ We look forward to seeing a bunch (flock? Brood? School?) of crinkly cygnets later on this year.
Now for the pet parrot of Patras perched to pick up a parking ticket. Coco the parrot is faced with a €444 fine. Coco, an Amazonian macaw, belonging to a local pet-shop owner, is a familiar figure to passers by. Unfortunately, his perch, situated outside the shop and occupying part of a metered parking space, has become something of a [cuttlefish?] bone of contention to the local council. Under new ’zero tolerance’ parking regulations, owner Lambros Michalopoulos has been ordered to pay a heavy fine and to move the parrot inside. He refuses to pay—on the grounds that the parrot enjoys being with people, and will die if moved back indoors (so, not that many customers actually in the pet shop then?). The case is now going to court. According to the BBC, the Deputy Mayor rationalised the council’s stance thus:
“Is it bureaucratic to be concerned about the parrot’s safety?” he asked. “The parrot’s safety is of paramount concern to the council” he added. Words like ‘priorities’, ‘putting’, ‘parrot’ and ‘proper perspective’ spring to mind….
Cornelius Pointy, Stella McBarking and Luna Tidewart |
As Clairvoyant Chloe accurately predicted last year, our astrologers had a couple of surprises in store for the New Year. First things first. As a result of their whirlwind romance and cosmic conceiving, Cornelius and Stella are delighted to announce the arrival of their little Luna Tidewart to the team. An unusual name for an unusual astral configuration. We’ll say no more.
Secondly, our in-house team have been plotting over the festive season in order to bring you an ’all new star-spun plan’. Reasons being? Well, we could cite the discovery of a hitherto unheard of galaxy that put all previous charts out of whack. An alternative explanation might be that there are just so many puns you can make about cement mixers. Here goes with the first Bugle horoscope of 2008:
Vacuum Cleaner and Bell Tower: 15th December—9th February
You have all-round musical talents and manage to incorporate many aspects of the modern-day orchestra of life into your personal philosophy. A couple of messages here: Suck up any troubles you may have in your old kit bag and smile, smile, smile! And, ring out those changes for the New Year!
Fork and Roller Coaster: 10th February—26th March
Don’t just say ‘fork off’ to your previous persona (Tent Peg and Teaspoon). Acknowledge, and move on. Remember, cutlery is always important in outer space. Embrace your many pronged talents and apply them to the ups and downs of daily life. Keep the Big Dipper in mind and it should be an exciting ride for 2008!
Biro and Sequin: 27th March—16th April
Functional, yet glamorous, you’re full of surprises! When you sign on that dotted line you give out a special sparkle that glistens and dazzles. Boardroom and ballroom! Sew it on, sew it on….
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Fridge Magnet and Scooby Doo: 17th April—23rd May
Opposites attract, but sometimes it can seem like a ‘dog eat dog’ world. Not to worry, writing poetry whilst snacking will help to keep you on track. Everything should be fine, but watch out for elaborately decorated camper-vans and hippy music.
Handbag and Kite: 24th May—19th June
The handbag is often misperceived. A gender specific hold-all? Perhaps. Yet, where would some grown men be if they hadn’t danced around one in their youth? Get in touch with your handbag side. As to kites? Important and empowering. Just think of the World Bank and Global Economic Policy. Fly me to the moon.
Doily and Garter: 20th June—1st October
Operatic and theatrical, some would say, but maybe they can’t spell. Doilys will always decorate the world, whereas garters will hold things together in a crisis. Everything should be fine for the New Year, as long as you steer clear of pirates in Penzance.
Pineapple and Beetroot: 2nd October—14th December
The pineapple is exotic and outward going, (or outward growing, even). Your beetroot aspect helps to keep those inner segments stabilised. Flexible when it comes to parties and ‘cheese with things on sticks’ — sometimes yes, sometimes no.
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