Flip-Flops Again

As we reported last month police in Torquay, a seaside resort in Devon, UK., recently came up with an ‘innovative’ idea to try and deal with some of those women who have had too many Babychams and appear to be having difficulty making their way home on high heels. The idea was that said women would be offered the safer option of a free pair of flip-flops instead. Quite aside from the gender politics involved, we thought there might be a few flaws with this initiative. TIME TO CONSULT AN EXPERT! Thanks go to the Bugle’s very own multi-talented Professor Kimberley, who puts the whole ‘flip-flop’ zeitgeist into historical and sociological perspective: Our professor writes: “Having 'discoed’ my way round the venues in Torquay in the 70's, initially wearing flip flops, at the end of such evenings, flip flops were off and you were dancing round them (as for your keys, you couldn’t even find them, they were usually in a heap on a stage somewhere). Having gone through this experience whilst wearing one of those long Indian print wrap-around skirts, I can tell you that the whole flipping combination was way too frustrating a tangle whilst drunk, so the last thing a woman would wish to have their drunk feet put into would be flip-flops (again)!!.” Our professor goes on to point out some hidden agendas that might be at play: “Dear editor, have you ever given a thought as to what the police do with all the confiscated high heels? Ask yourself: how many policemans’ balls are there? (oops) or, to put it another way how many police ‘fancy dress occasions’ do you know of?”

Greek Lessons!

This is not a grouse

Whilst we were on the subject of flip – flops, the subject of learning Greek came up. Greek tuition is available in various locations in Rethymnon, but due to work commitments etc. not everyone can attend these lessons. We don’t dare to compete, but it was suggested by our dear prof that it might be a good idea to teach a few essentials. These are the five ’must know’ words for this month:
Ο καρχαρίας = the shark
Ο απάχης = the Apache
Ο πολτοποιητής = the masher
Η Μασαλιώτιδα = the Marseillaise
Το ναστούρτιο = the nasturtium
We are convinced that advanced students will easily be able to make a coherent sentence using all five words.

To be a bit kinder, we now give a few tips to whisky drinkers: If you want to order a Famous Grouse in a bar in Rethymnon the correct thing to ask for is πέρδικα (forget the flaming article), which actually means partridge. As you can all imagine, now that the tourist season is over, the question of ‘what is the difference between a partridge and a grouse and how do they translate anyway?’ has been the subject of much debate in our favourite watering hole. Dictionary Corner time….the verb ‘to grouse’ (being antsy pantsy) is translated as γκρινιάζω which seems fine to us. However, the nearest word for the bird in Greek would appear to be ο αγριόγαλος’: ‘wild French thing’, which we think is a cop out.

Cuddly Camels, Pizza Power and Paint Tins

It being that time of year and all, we really had to include a ‘happy camel’ story on this page. We are of course delighted to announce that Wacker the Bactrian camel (that’s one hump, not two, please), currently resident at Marwell Zoo in Winchester, is no longer a lonely camel. Poor Wacker had been pining away ever since he lost his partner Tabitha, and zoo keepers were at a loss as to what to do. Fortunately, in December, help was at hand in the shape of a smaller Welsh Mountain Camel. ’Welsh Mountain Camel?! Isn’t that a sheep?!’ Apologies. On re-reading the news wire we find that the smaller camel actually came from a Welsh Mountain Zoo. Or something. Anyway the smaller camel, called Marmaduke, is now Wacker’s new best friend. Marmaduke is only nine months old, so the relationship between Wacker and Marmaduke is more like uncle and nephew than (do we really want to go down this sand dune?). And who gives these names, anyway? Everyone knows that the only proper names for camels are Humphrey and Engelbert.

As an ex pizza chef and milkmaid in a Middle Eastern War Zone (though not the same time, and, by the by, these career choices are not always great inclusions on an academic CV especially if you list one of your hobbies as ’dairy’), the editor was delighted to read the following story about Mozzarella muscle in the international media: A pizza delivery man in Miramar, Florida who was held up at gunpoint managed to fend off his attackers by use of a magnificent discus technique. Eric Lopez Devictoria hurled a large hot pepperoni pizza at his assailants, whereupon they fled. Which reminds us of THE PHANTOM FLAN FLINGER. For those of our readers who may not know about this phenomenon and are curious, send us an email and we will try to explain.

Finally, thanks go to Andreas for providing us with this gem, which he found on the label of Greek - made undercoat:
‘Velatoura can be diluted with odourless white spirit and worked smoothly with a paint brush. It needs 2-3 hours to dry and is easily rubbed without stuffing the sandpaper’.